I had much bigger plans for this Monday. Aaron and I have had a flight booked to the Caribbean for months. Unfortunately, Aaron started feeling sick on Saturday, and he hasn’t gotten much better. We’re pretty sure he has the flu. He feels (and looks) like shit. I asked him this morning if he wanted to cancel our trip, since he’s been miserable all weekend and hasn’t been able to be comfortable for, like, more than an hour. Long story short, we are not on a flight to the Caribbean, Aaron has been drugged up beyond belief (in a good way) and is now laying in bed with the pup, and I’m out here binge watching That 70s Show and working on my blog.
In a way, Aaron being sick and unmotivated to human lately has helped me pick up the slack and become motivated. Not only have I worked on my blog, but I’m actually unpacking and purging through all my clothes. I still haven’t unpacked since I moved home from Austin (like, weeks ago, oops), and I’ve been doing a lot of research on minimalist/capsule wardrobes. While I can’t manage to pare down my San Antonio closet to only 30 items (!?), I have eliminated a lot of clothes that I don’t wear. Travel nursing is good for that, at least — I don’t even bring some clothes on contract with me, so obviously those can be purged, and there’s some clothes I bring with me and never even end up wearing. My sister is going to be SUPER happy once all is said and done with this.
This week I’ve also read some blog posts about traveling in general. In particular, Leah from The Sweetest Way recently wrote about “When Travel No Longer Feels Meaningful“. With the cancellation of our vacation today, it really hit me. I honestly wasn’t super excited for our trip. I don’t know what it is. I’ve traveled a lot over just the past year and a half, and to think I may be getting… what, burned out from traveling?
Traveling is exhausting. Airports suck. Airplanes suck. I hate packing and unpacking. While I’d like to go to as many places as possible (one of my goals is to hit all 50 states before I turn 50), there’s honestly nowhere immediately on my list that I have a burning desire to go to immediately. Yes, I was excited to go to Puerto Rico with Aaron, an island that won my heart when I took my first solo trip there in 2015, but I was mainly excited to go so that Aaron could see all the things that I had already experienced.
Was I not excited because, after Iceland, a trip I have been wanting to take for literally YEARS, everything else just seems to fall short?
Maybe going on a “big” trip and checking Iceland off my bucket list caused me to sort of blow my load early, so to speak. I’ve been toying around with another international trip over winter break, when I don’t have any school obligations, and have thought about going to South America. While Peru, Bolivia, Argentina, Ecuador are all definitely places I want to check off my list, while doing some brief research I felt, well, just that — I don’t want to go to these places for any particular reasons other than 1) I can and 2) I want to check it off my list.
Maybe because I travel more often for my job, traveling for these shorter vacation stints just doesn’t feel as special anymore. Maybe because I was just in the Dominican Republic in November, I just can’t get hyped about going back to the Caribbean so soon. I have no idea. All I can say is, in a way, I’m actually relieved we aren’t going.
Look, I’m not about to stop traveling completely. A year ago, the thought of not having my next trip lined up terrified me. I’m still travel nursing, and although I’m committed to Maryland until June, I’m already thinking and putting the feelers out there for my next assignment… which I won’t even start until July, probably. I can’t settle down THAT much that I’m about to take a staff job and stay in San Antonio until Aaron finishes residency in two years.
But, maybe, there’s not a need to go on some big journey, with a huge floppy hat and mirrored sunglasses, just to check off a box on some imaginary list, or add a number to my “countries visited list”, or be so focused on taking just the right photo for Instagram that I completely take myself out of the moment.
Maybe there’s something to be said for just staying home for a while, since soon I’ll be leaving for another three months.
I mean, shieeeet, I’m technically unemployed for the next three weeks anyway. Might as well embrace the lazy.